Hello 2015!

Happy New Year guys!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a blessed New Year’s day. I told myself that I had to make a post before the end of the first week in 2015, and I know I’m cutting it close, what with today being the 7th!

I don’t really know what to write about but at the same time I have so much to share. The year 2014 made me realize a couple of things about myself, and more:

  1. When you doubt yourself, you doubt God too – I realized this in the areas of my education (A-levels) and worshiping at church. You see, a part of me felt that I had done well in my exams but I also doubted and had a lot of ‘what if’ thoughts. Obviously with this doubt came prayer upon prayer for God’s intervention with the marking of my papers. With my worship, there were many days when I felt that I couldn’t sing, I couldn’t play the instruments, as in I didn’t have a ‘good enough capability’ etc. But the thing is that if I’m praying for God to help me get good grades, help me bless people with my worship, but at the same time deprecating myself, isn’t that paradoxical? If I was made in the image of God then I can do all things through Him, cos He is within me. At the same time we’re all humans, so mistakes are acceptable! Personally I still have to keep reminding myself of this, that it’s OKAY not to be perfect…We are all on a journey, and we need to be patient with God. Think about just how patient God is with us! Philippians 1:6 – “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” (NKJV)
  2. Sometimes your worst enemy is yourself/Sometimes you’re the one holding yourself back

In this new year I’m hoping to be:

  1. Crazier for God and calmer for the world
  2. Free. One word, that’s it. Yet it holds so much meaning; I want to be free with my faith, I want to be free with my worship, and I want to be free in who I am, who God made me to be. 2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (NKJV) I’m sure I don’t only speak for myself when I say that fear has hindered me from doing so many things I wanted to, such as the fear of what others think of me etc. Particularly though, I’m usually afraid to be the only one doing a particular thing, and tend to find acknowledgement only when I see others doing the same thing. I’ll give a basic scenario: When I’m at church or fellowship and the worship is so powerful, I can feel myself getting moved my the words etc but then FEAR, it’s like this little voice in my head holding me back from reaching that place of complete freedom and peace in the Lord. So sometimes I might even look around to see if anyone else is lifting up their hands, are their eyes closed? no? Maybe I should keep mine open then..put my hands down a little..maybe lower my voice in case it doesn’t sound good to the person sat next to me etc etc.

But you see, as it says in the above verse, fear does not have a legal place within us, because it is NOT of God. The only fear we should inhabit is the reverential fear of God, our elders and so on. When you fully love yourself and are confident (power) in who you are, you won’t get carried away by what others think of you, because as long as you’re rooted in the Word and guided by the Holy Spirit you’ll be able to discern right and wrong and live a life pleasing to Him and yourself (sound mind). You’ll be happy too! Because in the presence of the Lord, there is fullness of Joy (abundant!)

And I know this is a lot easier said than done, trust me. But I intend to embark on this journey from this year onward. I’ll let you guys know when I get to the finish line 🙂

Stay blessed;                                                                                                                                                                       Reni.